Survival Guide
We've all been there. You have just gone to a certain place, at a certain time on a certain date, done a special thing and the thing you suspected would happen has just fucking happened, not to mention the fact that you've just seen whatever the fuck it is that lives in your mirror, been told in detail how you're going to die, and the highly demonic and invincible thing you summoned is heading towards you. Also, your family are all dead, your friends are all missing and you're being framed by someone with access to your bedroom. What the fuck do you do now, sweet protagonist? Well, you've come to the right place to find out: These are the simple rules one must follow in order to firstly, not become the victim of creepypasta and furthermore, to come out kicking if the worst does happen. With the help of this guide you too can be merely be a catatonic, traumatized wreck as opposed to the guy currently being worn as a coat by some dude who roams a lot. Just keep these simple rules in mind... The Survival Guide #Mirrors and darkness don't mix. #Actually mirrors are a general "NO", and in the creepypasta world, there is nothing more sinister. #There is zero chance of survival if you look at the thing that no one else can see or answer its question incorrectly. #If you are alone at night in a creepy mental institution, take some time to consider what the fuck are you doing there, then, if it is appropriate to do so, leave. #Avoid going to places where everyone else who went there never came back or died inexplicably. #If someone stops your vehicle at night and asks to come with you, it would probably be in your best interests to politely decline. #Killing is the last method of survival; use it sparingly but without fear. #WHO WAS PHONE? is always a good thing to ponder. Also who the hell answers a phone while kissing a dead person's sexy daughter. A douche is who. #Get a simple .38 revolver. Load it with 2 silver bullets. If you really feel there is no chance to come alive out of a situation, take one shot at whatever it is that is threatening you. If this doesn't work, you still have the last shot to become a hero with. #Area 51 is simply too well guarded to let you get in. Or to let any alien out. #When going to a hotel, try to steer clear of unauthorized areas. If you couldn't resist but you saw a red thing, take some time to consider the price range and hotel standard on your next visit. Have you ever stayed at a Haunted Hilton? #When booking your hotel stay, Trip Advisor can be an invaluable tool in deeming whether your choice is the scene of a multiple murder, full of dead people, or built at the mouth of hell. Local newspapers can also be helpful. #Invoking demons, speaking, weird languages and performing rituals of any kind is considered dangerous. Refrain from doing that, especially around abandoned warehouses, churches, psychiatric institutions, woods and your house in front of a mirror at night. #When going to a new area, environmental understanding is a key to survival. Ask around for cursed places, legends, dangers and other details. Listen to the local peoples' advice, and don't be afraid to ask if you're unsure of which attacks/disappearances are paranormal and which aren't. #Always have a Bible next to your bed. Provides average reading material, proof of beliefs and a really heavy & effective object to throw at enemies. #Don't count on holy water. Get a sturdy vial of sulfuric acid and let a priest consecrate it. #Japanese priests cleanse rooms by waving katana swords around. Their ritual is 100% effective on corporeal forms. #If you find 666 messages on your phone, mailbox, email, etc consider changing the said service provider. Also don't bother listening to/reading the messages. It's spam. Extra dimensional, possibly, but spam nonetheless. #Old pharmaceutical companies can't help you. Unless you specifically need “Blood Of The Innocent”, ”Snake Oil”, and “Radioactive Syrup”. Which is never. #If you need to sign it in blood, you do not need to sign it. All mainstream governing bodies will accept contracts signed in ink. Bear this in mind if offered deals that seem too good to be true. #Lighthouses are dangerous. Avoid them at all costs. If you work at a lighthouse consider a career in insurance sales, or veterinary care. Have you ever read Three Skeleton Key? #There is simply no reason to listen to music that causes suicidal tendencies... #...or to watch films that have had strange/disastrous consequences.. #If you like to plan ahead and have some money, buy your auntie and uncle a house in Bel-Air. Nothing can harm you there no matter how scared your mother is. #Secret secluded untouched places in old buildings are left untouched for a reason. Pioneers never say “die” but in fact they do have an unusually high mortality rate. #Before you start swimming in the ice-cold waters of a murky lake at the center of a dark forest at midnight, ask yourself, do you really want to travel to an ancient and terrifying city? If the answer is "no," then stay at home instead, and watch whatever quality programming is available on Cinemax. Which means boobs. #On your 33rd birthday try celebrating in a well lit house with the company of others. #Refrain from using the One True Name for anything; there is probably a reason people gave it a nick. #Watching TV static for long periods may be hazardous to your health. Try satellite TV or Freeview to combat this problem. Netflix and Internet streaming are also effective. #Get a cat. Those furry little hairballs seem to perceive unnatural phenomena better than us, and if desperate, simply throw it at whatever is about to get you. #Safety in numbers. If you're getting a bit too freaked out, grab a few friends, any and all firearms, and avoid the area in question. #Cemeteries are bad places, especially in foggy conditions and on Halloween. #Try not to close your eyes. Ever. If you must do so, do so only briefly. If something has moved from its original location in the time it has taken you to blink, it is best that you do not blink again until you have dealt with said object. Fire is presumably the best method #If you ever find an unmarked tape which contains the file extension ".avi", even if it's of your favorite kid's show, do not, under any circumstances, watch that tape. Now, if the extension is .MTS, that is a different matter altogether. #If you hear chanting, run until you are out of earshot. #If you are too old to play with dolls, you do not need to be anywhere near one of those creepy little fuckers. #Legends can offer valuable insight of where not to go camping with friends. #When babysitting, ascertain the family's tastes and preferences, to avoid being killed by poorly selected statues. #Even if you are certain that running will not save you, it is always best to try. #If you go to buy a used video game, whether it's at a game shop or a garage sale, never EVER buy one with a weird-looking cartridge. This includes strange colors and ripped off labels with titles written in marker. The latter tends to happen more often than not. Don't just buy said game to become famous; your chances of becoming an Internet celebrity because of it can only work if you know how to program. You should also be highly suspicious of games priced too cheaply and bootlegs. #If you decide to buy the used game anyway, rip that son of a bitch out of your console the moment it starts acting funny and take a hammer to it. #One last thing that must be written, if you ever see a strangely new-looking doorway with a strange face on it, on a building you swore you didn't see at first and the building happens to be an old chateau, don't fucking open it. #It's probably best to refrain from looking up on Google the phrase "huskies with grins". You'll just end up having to spread the word. #Never allow someone to take a picture of you with an outdated camera. If it's too late, your only bet is to gamble with Death. Or just trap him in a photo. That works too. #Don't play with dolls if they come with a needle or a defect. Especially a defect. #Burn ouija boards, but be sure to have one of those car fresheners handy. The real reason why spirits get pissed off because is of that foul aroma that it produces when burned. #Never confront animated puppets physically. Subdue them with spells or they'll come back with minions or in a real physical body. #If you find yourself unable to escape, dancing may ward off the entity. Doing the Hokey Pokey is known to ward off curious monsters but you might have to do the Moonwalk to deal with zombies. #If you're checking your computer for viruses and you go TOO deep into System 32, refrain from clicking on any .avi files. If you do not heed this warning, creepy videos on you dude. #If you see old tapes containing the words: "Happy" Or "Appy", pretend you never saw them, and go on with your life. It'll just end up envoking some whacked out, coked up director of an old children's show and you'll wind up having to pull some "Thank For the Ride" shit to kill him. #If you buy a used camcorder and find the previous owner left one of their tapes inside, refrain from watching that tape no matter how tempting it may be. #Be careful when buying an old, second-hand TVs. #If you see a guy with both an incredibly large smile and black and white eyes, extricate yourself from the premises post-haste. #Don't go to a friends house to bake cupcakes if they have random spurts of insanity. #Phone companies with low coverage are best avoided. #.exe files with strange names are not safe, don't open them. #For the love of Neptune, turn off your fucking faucet when you're done with it! #If you are told to not look behind you, its better to do so, unless you're against a wall. #Also, do not listen to anybody who tells you to go to sleep. Its better to run away. #If you see a tall man with tentacles, run! #Don't enter strange websites. #Don't enter strange places. #Not even strange videos. #If a woman who covers her mouth asks you if she is beautiful, eh tell her she's "average". It will prevent her from slicing your mouth. #No good can ever come from owning a shiny Pokemon. #If you're an intern at a cartoon studio and you "happen" to be reviewing a new episode, make sure the episode is safe for work BEFORE viewing that shit. #Don't be so hesitant when being asked to look behind you, but don't take forever. No reason to keep certain death waiting. #Weird shit in Europe won't hurt you in the United States. Leave that to Creeps, Scarecrow and TheCreepyDark. #Weird shit in the United States won't hurt you in Europe. Damn... #Should you break rule 54, there is always a chance of rescue. #If your brother is tired of noise or if your close friend has a brother like that, refrain from going into his basement unless you want to be tortured, raped and killed. Especailly raped. (Isn't that right, MCP?) #If you buy a Memory Card and it has save data in it, delete all of the saves. #If you get a drawing of Sonic on a disc and the only file in that disc is a .exe file called Sonic don't play it. Destroy it or a demonic being that looks like a Sonic plushie might kill you. If he chooses not to he will scar you for life. #If you see what appears to be a 12 year old kid, with black shorts, a gray, bloody shirt, red shades, dark grey skin, and a maniac grin, DO NOT, under any circumstances, piss him off. #Always be sure to download Sonic Robo Blast 2 from the offical website. #Even on Christmas paranormal activity can happen. # Neighbors may have a darker side. If they do things that seem off for them, act normal. # In addition to rule 77, if you hear foreign voices from your body, that means you've been body jacked. #If you are an adult and notice that are being stalked by a guy with a black suit, long arms, and no face, reach for the nearest child and throw him/her at him then run like hell. #If you are child in the same situation, run like hell before said adult uses you to satify aforementioned being's craving hunger. If you do not manage to escape before the adult snags you, try bargaining with the Slenderman that the adult has more delicious flesh. #The Slenderman (said monster descripted in the last two tips) feeds on paranoia. If you remember Slenderman only wants a hug he won't go after you. But if Slenderman does stalk you RUN MAN! #If all else fails, give Slenderman twenty dollars, and he should leave you alone. #Regularly check the back of your neck or base of your skull for a soft bulge that moves when you poke it to make sure that Worm Jeff hasn't picked you as his host. #If you are police officer, state trooper, FBI agent or any person of authority and you have two days left until retirement, if you happen to notice ANYTHING suspicous or dangerous to health, get the fuck out of there immediately. #If you are terrified about how the Creepypasta Wiki Members Pasta is going to end, remember, it is specifically made so that anyone can add or change the story. If you want a happy ending or just a flat-out ending, you have the power to do so. #If you are being chased by any Creepypasta and feel that you are 100% out of options, attempt to run to wherever Stephen King is doing his next book signing. Your killer will be far too interested in trying to get an autograph to remember what they were doing there in the first place. If Stephen King is not in your general vicinity at the time, R.L. Stine is always available. #If you are a Creepypasta reader and feel like things are getting a little too real, take a break. #If you find a magic stick that let's you draw living creatures, don't draw yourself. You may be surprised how pissed off your creations can get at you. #If you wake up in the middle of the woods after having fallen asleep listening to your own heartbeat, take notice that someone probably put you there. But don't call the police. Publish a book of it and get a movie deal. #If you're being offered an orange by a demon, either don't take it, or follow the steps from rule 89. #On the third day of the third month of every thirty-third year, seal up all the opens to your house unless you want to be eaten by evil mist. #If you noticed that you're being stalked by a screaming child in a skull mask, don't always assume the kid's evil. Just be sure to save the Buncha Crunch should you have any. #When reminicing about your favorite kids' show on a message board, take a moment to consider if the episode where all the characters screamed their lungs out was real or not. Also, take a moment to consider if the entire show was real or not. #When looking through mysterious, blood-soaked pictures left in your mailbox, check to make sure you locked your door. #Remember, snowmen have feelings too. #Stitches is naked. Covering him with a towel will cause him to die. Do so. #If your friend disturbingly edits tapes, it's probably a good idea to never try to see him again. #If you keep finding broken glass in your home, check to see if the shards match the colors of the glass object that was broken. If they don't...run. Run hard and fast. #If Jeff The Killer shows up in your bedroom unarmed and invites you to follow him to his home...FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T DO IT. #Jane and Jeff's child is a full-on demon. To deal with this issue, it is suggested to hire Slenderman, Smile Dog, BEN and if you can manage to get ahold of him, HABIT to deal with it. #For the love of god not all YTP's are meant to be funny. #Don't go into creepy fucking factorys Follow these simple rules and little (or massive) harm may befall you. Either way, the important thing is to make sure your tale is told, copied, and pasted repeatedly. And, it's also suggested to be read by MrCreepyPasta. Doing so will assure its epicness. Category:Meta